10 Things I Wish I Knew about Natural Labor the First Time
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When I was pregnant with my first child, I knew I wanted a natural labor, but of course I didn’t fully know what to expect!
I read, prepared, and planned—but still, there were things I wish I had understood the first time!
Here are ten lessons I learned from my experience to help you feel more confident and prepared!
Table of Contents
1. Your Provider Choice is Crucial
I underestimated how vulnerable I would be during labor, and how much focus it would take from me to endure it well.
Your provider will approach your care through the lens of their own philosophy, training, and experience. That will have a huge impact on your experience!
Everyone has different desires for their births—the big thing is to take ownership and make sure you have done the best you can to find a provider aligned with your desires!
If you are trying for a natural labor at a medical facility with a high cesarean rate, it will be much more difficult to have success.
Do thorough research beforehand, focusing on finding a provider who truly aligns with your birth preferences and will be supportive rather than combative!
Labor is intense enough without feeling like you’re in a battle with your provider!
2. You Won’t Regret Preparing!
Many first-time moms want to “wing it,” but this can be a mistake!
The more you educate yourself, the better. I have never regretted any preparation I did for natural labor!
An in person birth class would be amazing, you can also watch YouTube videos, read books, listen to podcasts—whatever is most helpful to you!
It’s really helpful to understand the various stages of labor, emotional signposts, how long they often last, etc. But beware—natural labor rarely follows a textbook pattern!
The book “The Birth Partner” has some excellent descriptions of the stages of labor. (Unfortunately the newer editions of this book use the term “birthing person”, but you may be able to find an older version used.)
Understand the Process
Understanding the physiological process your body will undergo helps you visualize what is happening during contractions!
Visualizing the process transforms your mind’s response to contraction from “ouch, pain!” To an understanding of what the muscles in your body are doing and why! It makes it all feel so much more productive.
The book “Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way” has some of the best descriptions of what the body does during a contractions.
“Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth” has excellent information and inspiring birth stories!
Listen to Birth Stories
The Birth Hour podcast is a treasure trove of birth stories and will help expose you to a wide range of outcomes. But only listen to the positive stories!
You can read my first and second birth stories here and here as well!
3. Have a Flexible Birth Plan
As you do your research, it is helpful to create a birth plan to help you clarify what is most important to you—like medication preferences, monitoring styles, your stance on induction etc.
Share this clearly with your birth team in written form.
Something I wish I had known the first time though was that I would have to be very flexible about my birth plan!
If you are prepared in advance to adapt, you won’t be as disappointed by unexpected twists and turns in your labor and will maintain a more positive mindset!
My husband always says, “You have to have a plan, but the plan you start with will not be the plan you finish with.”
4. Keep Your Birth Space Intimate
Initially, I thought it wouldn’t matter if I had many people around for my labor, or visiting in town to see the baby when she arrived.
With my first baby I was due a little before Christmas, so I had lots of relatives in town visiting! It was a very special time—but looking back, I wasn’t able to hunker down and focus on the birth the way I should have.
I also invited 3 people other than my husband to the birth and ended up sending away 2 of them. It can start to feel crowded in those small rooms!
While I wouldn’t go back and change a thing, going forward I think it’s better to keep the birth space intimate!
I didn’t realize how touchy a laboring woman can feel, and how much of a need for privacy I would feel because I’m not normally like that!
Aim for a calm, focused atmosphere, ideally with your spouse and perhaps a doula or support person.
Too many observers can create pressure, making it harder to relax and allow labor to progress naturally.
5. Pack and Place Your Hospital Bag Early
This may seem obvious, but I have to mention it because we made the mistake of not putting our packed hospital bag in the car!
When my water unexpectedly broke during induction at the birth center—I didn’t have a change of clothes!
Pack your bag early, put it in the car, and don’t take it out!
6. Pretend You’re Not in Labor as Long as You Can!
When contractions begin, try to act as if labor hasn’t started for as long as possible.
Jumping too quickly into “labor mode” makes the experience feel longer and more exhausting.
Continue normal activities, rest, sleep, eat, and laugh as long as you can—and then when you think you can’t anymore, try some more!
This helps keep you mentally relaxed and conserves your energy for active labor.
7. Natural Birth was More Painful than I Expected, But Mindset Matters
Ok—I have to say it—natural labor was a lot more painful than I expected!
I read a lot of women hesitate to use the word “pain” to describe labor. They would say “pressure” or “waves” etc…
But when my active labor kicked in the first time it was genuinely painful, and I was really surprised!
However, I learned through my 2 births so far that maintaining a positive mindset, embracing rather than fighting contractions, and visualizing what my body was doing helped tremendously!
Pain + fear & tension = anguish.
Pain + positive mindset & surrender = manageable.
8. Create an Encouraging Environment
Surround yourself with positivity and stay lighthearted for as long as you can!
You are going to meet your baby!
For me, this meant having uplifting Bible verses read to me, encouraging words from my spouse, and favorite snacks nearby!
I wrote this article about the Bible verse cards I made and used for my birth.
Ensure your birth team is also committed to maintaining this positive atmosphere!
9. Avoid Watching the Clock
Focusing too much on timing contractions or tracking labor progression can make the process seem endless.
During my first labor—which lasted four days—I was constantly checking times and felt discouraged. I really wanted to know if labor was progressing, but worrying about it so much probably slowed things down!
For subsequent births, I learned the value of letting labor unfold at its natural pace.
Consider not timing contractions yourself or declining frequent cervical checks. Trust your body and let go of arbitrary timelines.
10. Surrender and Remember Your Purpose
In the intensity of labor, it’s surprisingly easy to lose sight of the goal—meeting your baby!
I like to put a baby blanket and some objects we plan to use for the baby where I can see them while I go through the toughest parts of labor!
Embrace contractions, surrender to the process, and remember that each moment brings you closer to holding your precious child!
Final Thoughts
Natural labor is incredibly powerful transformative, and sacred.
Though challenging, it can also be deeply rewarding!
Every birth is unique, so your experience will differ, but I hope some of these thoughts can help you as you prepare for this special event in your life!
If you aren’t a first time mom, leave a comment with some other things that you wish you had known the first time!