Guard Your Heart: Mindset Shifts for Stay at Home Moms
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I am so grateful for the privilege of staying at home with my children—but there’s no doubt that it comes with unique challenges!
In this post I want to share some mindset shifts for stay at home moms that have been very meaningful to me!
I’ll also give some tips on how to put each of these things into practice!
“Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.” — Proverbs 4:23
Table of Contents
Pay Attention to your Mental “Soundtrack”
One of the first steps in making a mindset shift is just noticing what you are thinking about!
Various studies have found that the vast majority of our thoughts are the same from day to day—somewhere between 75%-95%!
I’m not a very self-aware person—so it has taken some work for me to begin to pay attention to what is going on in my thoughts.
Taking time to journal, talk with my husband and see what he notices, or just think about it has been very helpful!
Tips to tune in to your mental soundtrack
- Start paying attention!
- Cultivate a reading habit—it will introduce you to new ideas and highlight repetitive thought patterns by providing a contrasting perspective.
- Start journaling
- Ask your husband or a close friend to help you discern your repetitive thought patterns.
Don’t Compare or Covet
Comparison is the thief of joy.
Social media, other moms, and even family can unintentionally lead you to feel discontent.
When I began paying attention to my mental soundtrack I was shocked at how much I was comparing myself to others, and coveting what they had!
Comparison is different from having a growth mindset and being teachable. Those are very positive and action-oriented attitudes.
Comparison is paralyzing!
For me—and I suspect for most women—comparison sneaks in through social media. Although we can learn a lot of helpful things from other women online, I found that when I reduced my time on social media—or online window shopping—I was a lot happier, present, and more content!
Tips for converting comparison & covetousness
- Pray about it and repent of covetousness, ask the Lord to help you cultivate a habit of gratitude and contentment.
- “A problem stated is a problem halved” maybe some of your frustration is valid. Channel your energy in a different way. When you feel discontent—think of positive ways you can take action instead of just stewing about it!
- Limit social media exposure—delete social media apps, put your phone away for certain portions of the day, etc.
Do the Work it Takes to Keep things Simple
Simplifying life is wonderful—but it doesn’t happen automatically!
As counterintuitive as it may sound, it takes proactivity and discipline to keep things simple! It requires saying “no” to excess activities and stuff.
Complexity breeds overwhelm. The more you look for ways to keep your days and environment simple, the more you and your children will love it and thrive!
Areas to simplify life
- Make a checklist of daily essentials. Write down your weekly / daily to-do list and put it up somewhere—stick to it and don’t start doing extra things! See if there’s anything you can eliminate from it.
- Implement a simple daily routine, write it down, and try sticking to it for a few days! (infants & toddlers especially LOVE routine!)
Keep Some Margin in Your Day to Think
“It is in vain that you rise up early
and go late to rest,
eating the bread of anxious toil;
for he gives to his beloved sleep.”Psalm 127:2
I find that I can be much more patient, thoughtful, and present as a mother when I save a little bit of margin in my day for quiet reflection.
For me, this looks like waking up early, drinking a cup of coffee and reading my Bible before the kids get up in the morning.
Other great things to do are plan your day, exercise, (you can read my article here on super effective micro workouts for stay at home moms!) get dressed for the day, read a book—anything that helps you start the day on the right foot.
This can be very difficult to achieve, and it’s good to maintain a good attitude even when you don’t get any time or space to think. But a little bit of quiet reflection can go a long way!
Tips to squeeze in some margin
- Try to wake up before your children! If you all wake up at the same time, train them to stay in their rooms for at least 10 minutes while you take a minute to do something centering like read your Bible, pray, get dressed, or do your makeup.
- Rejuvenating activities: Bible reading, prayer, reading, exercise, showering, first light, breath work, enjoying a special drink, etc. Not scrolling on social media!
- Prioritize sleep! It’s much healthier for you and your children if everyone is sleeping well. Stick to your guns with nap-times, and consider sleep training infants!
- Talk with your husband about intentionally scheduling downtime. Maybe he can watch the children while you go on a quick walk or run. Or plan to have a whole day/afternoon to yourself occasionally!
Identify Your Priorities and Check In Periodically
Writing down priorities and checking in periodically helps me create a sense of structure and progress in a role that often lacks clear external markers!
Without set deadlines or external feedback, the days can blur together, making it easy to feel like nothing is getting done—even when so much is!
A simple list of priorities provides focus, a way to measure wins, and a reminder of what truly matters amidst the daily chaos. Regular check-ins also offer a chance to adjust, celebrate accomplishments, and stay grounded in the bigger picture.
We have our “family vision” page posted on the refrigerator, and we read it aloud once in a while. It really helps to have it written down so we can stay on course!
Our 5 core goals are:
- Fear God and obey his commands
- Stay married
- Prioritize memories over things
- Be in above average physical shape
- Mange finances ethically and optimally
They may not be the best, but it’s surprisingly hard to actually put your values into words!
It’s really good to come up with something together with your husband so you are aligned in your vision for your family.
Once you have your goals written down, you can make a family mission statement, and break it down into 10 year goals, 1 year goals, 90 day to-do lists, or whatever makes sense to you!
The key thing is to think about what your priorities are and make sure you are spending your time and resources on what is truly important.
Tips
- Get reusable dry erase pocket sleeves and slip your goals page into it so you can check things off or write notes as needed.
- Go on a date with your husband and plan to write out your goals as a family! Bring a pen & paper and take notes!
Despair is Simply a Mistake
I’ll never forget when I heard the quote:
“Despair is simply a mistake.”
It was actually in the behind the scenes of Lord of the Rings!
As finite creatures—despair is a mistake because we are not all-knowing! There’s no reason to despair over a spouse, child, or endeavor just because things are going poorly. Only the Lord knows the outcome.
When I’m discouraged, this quote reminds me that positive outcomes are possible too.
Decluttering is a Lifestyle Choice
Physical clutter creates mental clutter.
Of course it isn’t a moral failure to have too much stuff, but it creates so much unnecessary stress and work!
A house full of clutter is the result of a habit of accumulation. A clutter free, orderly home is the result of a habit of decluttering.
With Amazon prime and cheap products available everywhere, it’s never been easier to accumulate stuff!
That’s why I really think part of a homemaker’s job in this day and age is to keep a stream of stuff going out of the house too!
Decluttering tips
- Keep a donation box accessible at all times and drop it off whenever it gets full.
- If you want quick results, start with the kitchen! It’s the heart of your home and can be the source of so much work! Take a cardboard box and throw everything in it that you don’t use all the time. Only keep out as many plates and bowls as you use for your family for one meal + 1 or 2 extra. Put the box in a closet and just see how it feels!
- The next best place to start is with kids toys! Just put them out of sight and out of reach! I’m often surprised at how much more engaged my kids are with their toys when fewer are available!
Enjoy the Little Things
“There is nothing better for a person than that he should eat and drink and find enjoyment in his toil.”
— Ecclesiastes 2:24
When your morale is low, and life is particularly hectic, it really helps to find small things to enjoy!
Little things to enjoy
- Light a candle
- Make a special drink to enjoy at a certain time of day
- Add something special to dinner, or make a dessert!
- Put on a piece of jewelry or clothing you especially like
- Turn on music you love
- Turn any meal into a picnic outside!
Have Faith and Do the Next Right Thing
As a stay at home mom, you won’t see the results of your work for years.
It can be easy to worry.
Stewing and worrying feels awful, but I’ve learned that I feel so much better when I just start taking action instead!
Follow God’s word, do your best, enjoy the present moment, and put your faith in God to complete the work!
Tips
- Stay close to God by practicing spiritual disciplines like prayer and Bible reading.
- Trust that your efforts are meaningful and impactful—that God will be faithful to complete the good work he began.
Final Thoughts
I hope this post is encouraging and gives some ideas for mindset shifts!
Being a mother has taught me so much, I would love to know what mindset shifts have been meaningful to you! Please comment and share!