How to Talk to Your Husband About Natural Home Birth (and Get Him on Board!)
Check out my other articles about home birth!
You are persuaded that home birth will be peaceful, safe, and exactly what you want, but the million dollar question is: how can you persuade your hesitant husband to consider a natural home birth?
Home birth is on the rise, increasing by as much as 12% year over year between 2020 to 2021, to the highest levels since 1990! Many women have some exposure to the idea through social media or their own friends and family. But to men, who don’t spend nearly as much time thinking about birth, the concept may sound unfamiliar, dangerous, and intimidating.
The conversation can turn negative right from the very start! What about your safety in an emergency? How will a homebirth impact your family financially? How will he support you during a birth without help from nurses and hospital staff?
This article will give expert recommended strategies for how to communicate with your husband in a persuasive way, followed by useful information and resources to address the most common concerns.
Table of Contents
A Crucial Mindset Shift Before you Start
Before you even begin to have this conversation with your husband, it is crucial to do some work in your own heart and mind first. If you approach the topic in desperation, with ultimatums and accusations, it will not be productive or persuasive.
Approach it instead with a genuinely open and appreciative heart toward your husband, and you may find that he will reciprocate that energy.
What is the true deep desire of your heart for this birth? If you’re anything like me, you want to feel calm, safe, protected, and free to relax completely. Yes, home birth is *so* conducive to all of those positive, oxytocin inducing feelings! But it will not be the sacred space you desire if it is the source of a major conflict between you and your husband.
You also don’t know the future. The hard truth is, there may be a valid reason why you need to birth in a different space, and your husband may be sensing that before you.
Approach the conversation with a cooperative mindset, be willing in your own heart to let it go if you must. After all, you may have an unexpected transfer at the end, and you need to prepare your heart for that possibility anyway!
Persuasive Techniques to use in Conversation
Alright, down to business! You know you really want a natural home birth, how can you be persuasive?
Choose the Right Time
Choose the right time and setting. If he is just getting off a stressful day of work, in the middle of filing taxes, or upset about an unexpected bill… Now is not the time! You get the idea. Choose a time when the lines of communication are already open and there is warmth between you two!
Be Appreciative
Don’t take your spouse’s support for granted as if it is owed to you, be appreciative! Building a culture of appreciation is advised by the Gottman Institute, and will go a long way toward the health of your marriage!
Employ Active Listening
We are much more willing to be persuaded if we feel that our concerns have truly been heard instead of just brushed aside. Practice active listening techniques in your conversation with your husband. Listening carefully will also help you learn about and address his specific areas of concern later—after you have let him talk!
Some active listening techniques include:
Listen without interrupting (and without mentally planning a rebuttal)
Repeat what your spouse has told you
Ask clarifying questions
Make good eye contact
Maintain open body language
Communicate Softly
“A gentle answer turns away wrath.” There is nothing so disarming as communicating with tact. To be persuasive, avoid overly confrontational language, ultimatums, and emotionally charged or defensive language.
Involve your Partner in the Research
Learning together can be a great way to grow closer as a couple and persuade your husband to consider natural home birth! Here are some great ways to do so.
Sit Down and Talk with a Midwife Together
This is the best thing to do for a nervous husband, and has won many over! Give him the opportunity to raise his specific concerns with the very person who would handle them!
Talk to Other Couples
If you know another couple who has had a home birth, talking privately with another man who has experienced it can be great! Often husbands turn into the biggest natural home birth advocates when they realize just how much it makes sense!
Watch Birth Documentaries Together!
Not everyone is a big reader. Sometimes cozying up and watching a movie together can be a great way to learn! A turning point for my husband was watching “The Business of Being Born” (available on Prime). Other documentaries include “Why Not Home”, “Born Free”, and “Birth as we Know.”
Listen to Podcasts about Natural Home Birth
Podcasts are so popular right now! Here are a couple great podcasts to get him started if that’s his thing:
The Rise of Home Birth – (by Evidence Based Birth)
Hospital to Home: A Midwife’s Perspective with NYC Midwife Chloe Lubell – Down to Birth
Quick Facts to Address Common Concerns (and Resources to dig deeper)
Home Birth Safety Statistics
This 2019 meta-analysis reviewed 21 credible studies since 1990, analyzing over 500,000 planned home births. The result? For low-risk pregnancies, home births attended by qualified professionals are just as safe as hospital births.
Natural home birth is also associated with significantly fewer obstetric interventions, which pose often overlooked risks to mom and baby.
In particular, natural home birth is associated with lower levels of epidural anesthesia, forceps, vacuum extraction, labor augmentation, episiotomy, and cesarean delivery.
C-section rates for home birth were 5.2%, which stands in great contrast to a 32.3% national average in the USA!
The Financial Side
Another common concern men have is whether or not they will be able to afford a home birth.
Home births with a midwife typically cost $3,000–$7,000, compared to $13,000 for a vaginal hospital birth and over $17,000 for a c-section.
However, natural home birth is often either not covered, or covered partially and reluctantly by traditional insurance.
If you are planning in advance of pregnancy and are Christian, it may be worth researching a cost sharing plan like Christian Healthcare Ministry or Samaritan Ministries, which do cover home birth.
This is an opportunity for you to step up to bat. The only way to know for sure what the cost of natural home birth will be for your particular situation is to call and inquire of your insurance company. If you take it seriously and do some heavy lifting and research you will be able to answer his questions more specifically.
Consider bringing extra support on board
Some husbands feel nervous about being your primary support for birth at home, without nurses or doctors around to support!
If you are able, invite a trusted relative, or hire a doula for extra support! My sister has attended both of my births so far, and it is so valuable to have an extra pair of hands to assist both me and my husband!
Don’t forget the positives!
Approach the conversation with all the wonderful positives of natural home birth for both you, baby, and your husband!
Express how you will feel so much safer and more comfortable in your own home, and be able to relax for the birth knowing you are receiving care from trusted professionals who really know you and care about you!
Mention any potential savings!
And don’t forget the upgrade to comfortable accommodations and access to food that your husband will get! No one likes those hard hospital sofas!
Remember, the goal isn’t to win an argument but to reach a mutual understanding about your birth choices. Take time to process together, be patient with each other’s concerns, and keep the lines of communication open. Ready to start this important conversation? The first step is understanding that this discussion might take time, and that’s okay.
The information provided in this blog is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. I am not a licensed medical professional, and the content shared here should not be used as a substitute for professional medical guidance, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult with a qualified healthcare provider, midwife, or physician regarding your specific circumstances and any medical decisions. Reliance on any information provided in this blog is solely at your own risk